Weeks 27 – 30

Third trimester
The second trimester is known for being the best bit of pregnancy apparently, because you’re not massive and sore and stuff just yet, and you have marginally more energy than in the first and third trimesters. I say “apparently” because those benefits passed me by completely.

Either way, that bit’s over now, so we’re technically on the home straight.

This month we swanned off to Turkey for our jollies, and our close friend’s 60th birthday. I was a little apprehensive about travelling when pretty pregnant, especially when I realised I couldn’t use my Ehic card, but luckily everything was fine.

At least, it was fine until we left the house to drive to the airport and I started feeling decidedly peaky. In the short version of the story, I ate a krispy kreme donut for breakfast and then had a funny turn and passed out/had a little fit/convinced myself I had gestational diabetes.

The longer version of the story involves having an emergency poo at the side of the road before I passed out, whilst having an internal dilemma over whether it was less embarrasing to point my arse towards the cars (anonymity) or my face (no exposed arse).

LOVE a good sunset

LOVE a good sunset

(I went with face, by the way, in case you’re interested)

Neil wanted to get me checked out at the hospital but that pretty much guaranteed that we were going to miss our flight and I was pretty convinced that there were both medics and English breakfasts at Stanstead airport departure lounge – both of which would probably sort me right out. By the time we ‘d got finished with the emergency poos, got through roadworks, caught the bus to the terminal and got through security, there was actually only time for the English breakfast, but luckily it seemed to do the trick as I felt much better after that.

The view from our balcony

The view from our balcony

We’d upgraded our room to a 2 bedroom family suite apartment because every time we’ve ever shared a room with Billy since he was 6 weeks old, it’s resulted in none of us getting any sleep. It turns out it that this was a Very Good Move, but not because Billy was the problem, I became the problem. Or, more specifically, my insanely loud pregnancy snoring became the problem. So I had a superkingsized bed and en suite all to myself, and my poor suffering husband bunked in with Billy in a single bed. Soz Neil.

26 weeks "all inclusive" food/baby

26 weeks “all inclusive” food/baby

GTT tests

As soon as we landed back in the UK, it was time for my Glucose Tolerance Test. Basically, in my area (other areas test everyone indiscriminately), if your BMI is over a certain number, you’re over a certain age, fit a certain ethnic profile or had a fat shit baby before (TICK), they want you to fast for 15 hours, then drink a pint of lucazade whilst they test your blood.

Bearing in mind my recent history with Krispy Kremes, this was not an experience I was looking forward to as I’d done a fairly good job of convincing myself I had the diabeetus and was going to spend the rest of this pregnancy eating lettuce. But, like all things I’m utterly dreading, it was actually FINE, and my blood sugar levels were exactly the same before the lucazade as they were 2 hours after the lucazade. I think this is a good thing? Either way, no Gestational Diabetes here, pass the Cadbury’s Dairy Milk.

My Magic Chiropractor/Wizard

Now I don’t know about everyone else, but my pregnancies seem to have been plagued by very specific and annoying ailments which appear overnight, stay for a few days and then disappear as quickly as they came on. Conveniently, they seem to disappear at the same point you reach the end of the Google search engine results pages and have tried every pregnancy safe remedy in the book. Examples of this include: insanely sensitive teeth that stop you eating or drinking, a scalp so itchy it stops you sleeping at night and mysterious hives that come and go as they damn well please.

One such ailment was the appearance of a completely dead left leg and bum cheek, which made getting up the 8 flights of stairs to the office a teensy bit tricky. After 4 days of this, I found a chiropractor that specialised in pregnant ladies and kids and families and whatnot and thought it would be worth a go.

Pretty much as soon as I booked the appointment, I got up from my desk and my left leg had magically come back to life. Bastard.

Still, with PGP/SPD rearing its ugly head, I went along for the appointment and it was the SINGLE BEST THING I’VE EVER DONE. Seriously. You don’t have to hurt when you get out of bed. Putting on your knickers needn’t be a mammoth task. She’s even cured me of heartburn! Although she’s patiently explained it to me a million times, I don’t have the foggiest how it works, but I’ve decided I don’t need to. I’m just more than happy to turn up once every couple of weeks feeling all wonky and achey, and then walk out 25 minutes later with a spring in my step and a perfectly aligned pelvis. If you’re reading this and you’re pregnant, just bloody go, you definitely won’t regret it.


This month, I was also diagnosed with anemia, which I think might have had a thing or two to do with my fainting episode, on reflection. I hate iron tablets with the fire of a thousand suns, so I looked into some alternatives and found Spa Tone sachets, which taste like shite, but don’t give you anywhere near the tummy upsets that iron tablets do. For good measure, I chucked in some Ferroglobin tablets too. Stitch that, anemia.

Definitely not thinking about squeezing that chick

Definitely not thinking about squeezing that chick

On weight gain

When I was pregnant with Billy, I pretty much avoided the scales at all costs. Except when I was in labour, when I weighed myself and got the shock of a lifetime when I discovered I’d put on 45lbs. With Billy being such a chunk, I’ve always felt a bit guilty that maybe the amount of fish and chips I ate had affected his gargantuan proportions, and vowed to eat healthier this time around.

…Which I largely have. I’ve not had the same food aversions this time around, which is good, because when you’re starving hungry but the thought of every meal under the sun makes you want to vom (with the exception of fish and chips), then fish and chips you will eat.  This time around, I’ve been able to eat a lot more protein, I’ve eaten a lot of hard boiled eggs, bagels, sultana bran, berries and dried fruit. I’ve not eaten anywhere near as many takeaways, biscuits or chocolates, so I deserve not to put on as much weight, right?

WRONG. On my 27 week blog when pregnant with Billy, I commented that I’d put on 16lbs so far. Guess how much weight I’d put on by 27 weeks this time round? 16 FREAKING LBS. I can’t wait for the 18 months or so it’ll take me to work off those 45lbs again this time around.

Next month: I pass out some more, get an ambulance called for me, but miraculously avoid emergency roadside poos (progress).


29 weeks

I’m not really feeling 29 weeks. When you’re 30 weeks, you can mentally say, “I’m three quarters of the way there, LET’S DO THIS BITCHEZZ”. Well, you could if you were one of those people who could get away with saying things like ‘bitchezz’, which I can’t. So yeah. Almost there, but not quite. Ask me again next week.

This week, I promised witty commentary and lovely photos, didn’t I? Well, I put a banana on the cat and took a photo, does that count?

Banana Cat

Neil’s parents came down for the weekend this week, armed with a car full of garden equipment and wellyboots. We took them to our local Turkish cafe, for a quick stomp around Wollaton Park (my ideas about what constitutes ‘quick’ is now considerably slower than everyone else’s), and to our local pub for Thai food. Neil’s mum completely gutted our garden in a matter of hours whilst we watched, guiltily from the warmth of the office, giving the occasional wave. The woman is like a MACHINE.

I also had my whooping cough jab this week. I’m not sure whether the needles are getting smaller or I’m getting braver (I’m going with the latter), but this jab was easy peasy. My elbow-crevice bruise from last week’s blood test has, however, turned a delightful shade of green.

So what else did I get up to this week? Well, Neil disappeared off into a cloud of fog to Bologna, and at one point, with delayed flights, missed connections and lost luggage, I did suspect I would never see him again. I would say that Neil being away gave me a good opportunity to showcase my independant wimmin skills, but then I remembered that my mum had me round for tea and then helped me ‘fix’ (empty) the dishwasher, so 0/10 for effort for me. I did successfully make porridge, catch buses, keep pets alive and not burn the house down, so I’m going to chalk that up as an overall win.

I also managed to find a pregnancy symptom that no-one else has ever had, ever. Google says so. Now, I’ve come to understand that googling the words ‘pregnancy’ followed by your latest moan is bound to bring up thousands upon thousands of results for other people who have exactly the same symptoms as you. Seriously. Try it. Last week, my arms felt so weak it hurt to lift them. Almost 6 million results. But this week, I out symptom-ed Google.

Warning: TMI-alert coming up. So much so, I wrote it, deleted it, then wrote it again. Once I put this blog live, I might even go back and delete the paragraph again. It’s that gross.

Whilst Neil was away, I began to notice that mid-morning, I was doing burps. Lots of burps. Pretty normal you say, acid reflux, indigestion and all. No biggy. But these burps. They were exactly like the smell of pencil sharpenings, so much so, I began to wonder whether I’d absent mindedly been chomping on the odd pencil (don’t laugh, Pica is a real thing). So, to cut a gross story short, I shared news of my interesting burp with my husband in Italy via the powerful medium of text (he’s a lucky chap). He suggested I should check to see if this was one of those things that means something is wrong with me and/or baby, I dutifully commenced googling, and it turns out that I’m the only person in the history of the world who has ever done a burp reminiscent of pencil sharpenings, and it is DEFINITELY NOT A PREGNANCY THING. It’s like the modern day googlewhack or something. Anyway. I blame the heady mix of tea, porridge, nutella and pre-natal vitamins. There, don’t you feel like your life is enriched for knowing that?

In all together less-gross news, this week was the Nottingham City WI Christmas Do, and a yummy meal was had at Bistro Pierre. It was a prime opportunity to instagram the crap out of my dinner, and once again, I completely forgot. I’m such a natural at this blogging malarky, right?

I did take a video of our unborn child doing olympic turns in the space formerly occupied by my essential organs, which, other than pencil sharpening-burps, is the only actual baby related news on this week’s blog. Make the most of it.

Warning: you remember that post where I mentioned how being pregnant had made me grow this soft blonde hair on my belly? You’re about to see a closeup:

Before getting in the family way, I expected baby kicks to be this wonderful little butterfly kicks that made you all glowy and smug at the miracle of life being created in your womb. Nowadays, kicks stop me in the middle of sentences and make me do unglamorous ‘OOF’s. But then, I spoke to someone at the WI Christmas Party who’s daughter had kicked her so hard in utero that she had BROKEN HER RIBS. From the inside. FROM THE INSIDE.

In times like this, there is only one way to express one’s feelings, and that is through the powerful medium of cat gifs.